What to Drink While Watching Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Not exactly Rashomon

 

Choose the best synopsis of this film:

 

A:

This is a great example of a film about catching fish in the desert. There aren’t many of them. In this film, Ewan McGregor thinks that there is a magic salmon which lives in the desert and he convinces some Yemeni sheikh that it would be a good idea to go hunting for it. Emily Blunt plays the part of the sheikh. In the end they find that the salmon is dead because there’s no water.

B:

Salmon fishing is always hard, and in the Yemen it’s even harder, because of all those Arab terrorists. But Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt and Kristin Scott Thomas do a fine job  and somehow literally flood the country and breed salmon to feed a starving population of undernourished fundamentalists who, despite being very hungry, would do virtually anything to undermine western values like democracy.

C:

The Yemen is a very long river somewhere in Scotland. Ewan McGregor and his Muslim friend Muhammed go fishing there and have a nice time until Emily Blunt comes along and starts falling in love all over the place. So they all go to Iraq or somewhere. And she’s not even pretty!

D:

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen is one of my favourite films. It is a feel-good movie about people and fish. It is set in Scotland and a place called The Yemen where they don’t have salmon or rivers or anything because they are all very poor. I liked this film very much and I was very sad at the end when everybody drowns to death.  

 

The above are 100% verbatim summaries of the film Salmon Fishing in the Yemen written by mechanically-enhanced hens, aged between 6 and 8, from Buckinghamshire, England, as part of an experiment by Dr Hilda Bronkhorst to prove that poultry have a place in our society other than on a platter or in the oven. It is Dr Bronkhorst’s view that greater awareness of latent fowl intelligence will (or at least could) lead to authentic chicken emancipation. As she explains, “The fact that a bunch of young hens can sit and watch a film and come up with credible interpretations of what they see, and actually write their thoughts down, is surely enough for us to realize that we are not alone.”

 

When pressed, Dr Bronkhorst conceded that none of the hens actually understood the film very well, despite declaring that they enjoyed it. “Perhaps it was unfair to choose this film for our feathered sisters; it was a great challenge for them and anyway, I think all the summaries have a grain of truth in them.”

 

Dr Bronkhorst suggestion for a drink to accompany Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a rhubarita. Here’s what she has to say about the rhubarita.

 

“Hi everybody. I’d like to suggest that the best drink you can have whilst enjoying Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a rhubarita. What ‘s a rhubarita? Why, it’s very simple: a rhubarita is a rhubarb margarita! Just boil your rhubarb for a while with sugar to taste, and let it cool down. Then mix it in with your tequila and Cointreau and there you go. You can use Gran Marnier or Curaçao, I know, but Cointreau works best for me and my hens, and I know it will for you, too. Yummy!”

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