Sebo de macho

Any takers??

I got a gift the other day. It was “Reyes”, the day that we traditionally give and receive presents in Spain for Christmas. The gift was a tiny parcel that had come from the Philippines and the sender was one Pretty Gonzalez, who I am pretty sure I have never met or had any kind of intercourse with.

 

I was mightily intrigued by the little tub of ointment which, as you can see from the photo, bears the name “Sebo de Macho”. This peculiar appellation translates as “male suet” or, if you prefer, “man’s tallow”. What on earth was I supposed to do with it? I scoured the Internet (as one does in these cases) and found that sebo de macho is used to lighten scars. Presumably, the Philippine population bears a lot of scars, because this product is widely used there. It is good for cases of acne and mosquito bites, apparently, whitening the unsightly blemishes and rendering the skin a fairer tone. Also indicated in cases of stretch marks and knife wounds, sebo de macho is in high demand among Filipinos the world over, which says a lot for something I dare not extrapolate upon.

 

I wonder if Pretty Gonzalez is sending me a message. Does she (and again, I jump to conclusions – is this person a female, after all?) suspect I am a pimply adolescent prone to pregnancy and knife fights? Most bizarre.

 

Further investigations revealed that sebo de macho can be mixed with marihuana and smoked. God only knows what effects this produces. I shall have to seek out an unsuspecting guinea pig (“Oh,hi, Soraya, nice of you to drop to by, fancy a joint?”) before I commit myself.

 

Until then, the little tub remains on my dressing table, enticing and mysterious. I give it a sniff now and then and it reminds me of something I can’t quite place. It’s oily but not greasy. I have toyed with the idea of applying it to an unseemly mole I sport on my shoulder, but what if it dissolves my arm or something? The name also implies a kind of vicious hormonal kick, as if to send passing females into crazed paroxysms of lustful degeneration, and I can easily imagine ladies sinking their incisors into my flesh as they tear off my wife-beater with their feverish talons. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

 

Perhaps I should cook with it? Stir fried pork with peppers and pancit is the obvious choice. Or I could spread it on my morning rolls; I’m sure it would marry nicely with Marmite.

 

So I appeal to you, o reader, to enlighten me as to the multifarious uses and abuses of sebo de macho. Especially if you are Filipino.

 

Yours bemusedly,

Heen

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by marylis on January 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Don’t eat sebo de macho! It is poisonous. Can’t you read what it says on the label? You smear it on scars and rub it in and then they gradually disappear. My brother was hacked to pieces by a serial killer in Manila, and we glued him back to life with sebo de macho. You can also use it to repel hyenas and as a hair gel. It is one of the many wonders of the Filipino pharmaceutical industry and I am surprised it is still illegal in most parts of the world. Long live SEBO DE MACHO!

    Reply

  2. Posted by Fungus Man on January 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Yeah! Sebo de macho is cooool! Melt it down, mix with paracetamol and inject it into the side of your head! Man! What a trip!

    Reply

  3. Posted by zaragozatwins on January 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    You people are weird. Just rub it into your blemishes, ok? SIGH:::: OK, I confess I tried it on toast. It was revolting. You should know that, honestly. – Heen

    Reply

  4. Posted by Marien on February 5, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Hi Heen! I’m a Pinay searching about Sebo de macho when I came across about your blog. Visit the link: http://www.philusa.com.ph/products/personalcare/apollo_skincare.html
    its actually the website of the company that repackage the said ointment. Hope it helped you =)

    Reply

  5. Posted by je1980j@yahoo.com on September 2, 2013 at 4:56 am

    i just realy wont to no, what is sebo de macho
    is..made of what….

    Reply

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