Hugo Chávez – Yes, he’s from Zaragoza!

I thought I had run out of “Famous Zaragozans” to fill these pages, but a few days ago I received an email from one María Eugenia Santarrabia Fulminázquez, who purported to be the Press Secretary of the Venezuelan President, Hugo Chávez.

Ms Santarrabia’s message was to say that El Presidente was an avid reader of this blog and that he was feeling a bit miffed that I had at no time mentioned that he was a great-great-great-great grandson of Eleazar Blanco Fernández, who left Zaragoza God knows when and bought a time-share in Peribeca, Venezuela.

Well, as you can imagine, I was gobsmacked. I immediately got in touch with Ms Santarrabia who phoned me back and explained that Presidente Chávez would be delighted to accede to an interview for the ZaragozaTwins blog.

It was with some trepidation that I called the Caracas hotline to speak to the Great Man. I wired the phone up to my laptop so that everything would be recorded (I have become an expert at this – secret services of the world, take note) and made sure that I would be calling at 3 am, Venezuela time, so as not to interfere with the Great Man’s crippling schedule.

–         ¿Aló?

–         Aló, Presidente. This is Heen Martínez, from ZaragozaTwins.

         Never heard of you. Go to hell and let me get back to sleep.

–         It’s ZaragozaTwins, Comandante en Jefe.

–         Vete al carajo.

–         Maybe you’d prefer if I called in the morning?

–         Is this some kind of practical joke? No me molestes más, pendejo.

–         I thought they only said “pendejo” in México?

–         What? Are you Spanish or something?

–         Yes, oh Líder Absoluto.

–         What?

–         My name is Heen Martínez, I am one of the Zaragoza Twins.

–         What? Are you seeking political asylum in our beloved country?

–         Hardly. I just wanted to interview you.

–         Who are you, to interview me

–         I am Heen Martínez. ZaragozaTwins. The blog you read and love.

–         ……

–         Presidente?

–         OK, OK, I know who you are. Yes, yes, I remember. I agreed to grant you an interview.

–         That’s right, Jefe en Comandancia.

–         So… Zaragoza… land of my fathers.

–         So I have heard, Comandante en Supremacía.

–         My great-great-great-great grandfather was from Zaragoza.

–         Yes, I believe so, Supremo en Jefatura. Such an honour.

–         A beautiful town. One day I will return.

–         Return, Gran Líder de la Revolución Bolivariana? You mean you’ve been here before?

–         No, no… it’s a spiritual thing. The Revolution is always spiritual.

–         Whatever you say, Guía y Luz.

–         Are you being cynical, fawning, or just stupid, señor Martínez?

–         All three, probably. It’s the price I pay for brown-nosing a megalomaniac crackpot like you, Maestro Iluminado Revolucionario.

–         Why don’t you shut up?

–         I’m quite enjoying this.

–         I will have you shot at dawn for this, you Aznar-supporting scumbag.

–         Eh? Where did you get that one from, Presidente Cariñoso y Cachondo?

–         …

–         ….

At this point the conversation came to an end. Hugo didn’t say much, but he certainly came across as a maño. I emailed María Eugenia Santarrabia the following day and, naturally, she denied that the conversation had ever taken place.

What can I say?


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Fidelismyman on March 18, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Not only is Hugo Chavez NOT from Zaragoza, he is also NOT a figure of fun that you should lampoon in this silly way. Your post is not funny. You think you’re clever but you’re not. You’ve run out of stuff to write on your blog, which used to be amusing. If this Hugo Chavez post is the best you can come up with, you should give it up.


  2. OK, OK, you’re quite right. It’s silly.

    But it’s true.

    Well, OK, not TRUE.

    Sort of true.


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