The Key to Another Problem

"Hey!! It was me!!"

Blimey. It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on this blog, hasn’t it. I haven’t got a great deal to say here, but I thought I’d better stick a new post in in case you are worried (ha!) that I’ve died or something.

Well, guess where I’ve been. And you’ll have to keep on guessing, because I’m not telling you. I have been to see Sheen in XXXXX. It was a surprise visit, and it really caught her unawares – which is what I had hoped. XXXXXX isn’t such a dreadful place, but I don’t know how I could live there without going out of my mind with boredom. And it’s not one of those quiet places where you can fuse into nothingness, embrace the absolute zero, be at one without any distracting maya; no, it’s just dull.

I promised her I wouldn’t give away any information about the place, so I’m just going to drop a few cryptic clues that some sharp-minded, well-travelled readers might pick up on. The name of the small town where my twin sister is staying has four letters and the last is the same as the first. It rhymes (almost) with the name of an alcoholic drink, and it’s in a country where this said drink is commonly consumed by young men as they sit in a parked car listening to really awful pop music that was actually and originally designed to be enjoyed by teenage girls.

It’s a country where everybody is disarmingly generous and hopelessly unreliable and where nobody cares about the past or worries about the future.

I’ll give you another clue: it isn’t Canada. I say this because, after checking on Sheen, I decided to go to see some of the winter Olympic games in Vancouver… what a culture shock! I have to say that I loved Vancouver. Well, I don’t have to, but I want to. I’d like to go back there when they’re not having any Olympic games. It didn’t come as a total surprise, because I’d heard so much good stuff already, but anyway, it’s a really great city and Sheen should have chosen it for her “retreat” instead of that numbing town in the middle of nowhere. By the way, she has bought/stolen/acquired a huge 4×4 which she drives without a licence or insurance and she trundles off into the wilderness (there’s an awful lot of wilderness around XXXXXX) and lives like a Neolithic for days at a time, eating lizards and the leaves of mysterious shrubs which send her into a freaky phase in which she relives the dreams of her adopted ancestors.

She has lost a lot of weight and probably gained a lot of insight. She hasn’t read anything for months now, and goes for days on end without talking to anyone. I asked her if she was happy and she said something like, “The world is as it is and I am as I am. How does my being happy make any difference?” I have a sneaking feeling that’s a quote from a film and I’ve been racking my brains for the past few weeks… Could it be from The Cable Guy? Maybe Death in Venice? Jim Carrey or Dirk Bogarde….? Or maybe it was another film, another actor? I thought it might come up with all the talk surrounding the recent Oscar awards, but nanay, as they say.


You know when you’re trying to solve a silly little problem sometimes, and you think if you could solve it, it would give you the key to another, bigger, problem?

So if anybody can help me locate this quote, please drop me a line. I’ll let you have Sheen’s mobile number.

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by IzziePuzzi on March 16, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    This quote is from Pocahontas. I swear.


  2. Posted by JUJuBoy89 on March 16, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    I think I remember this from the movie “Grease”. No, wait, it was “The Dear Hunter”.


  3. Posted by Uncle Suzy on March 16, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    “The world is as it is and I am as I am. How does my being happy make any difference?” actually appears in “Seven Steps To Cosmic Bliss”, the self-help guide by Deepah Chorkap. Just thought you should know. Thanks! – Suzy


  4. Posted by Karen on March 16, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    MMMM…. I’d say it’s from “Shallow Hal”, or maybe “The Lunacy of Zuirgmunt”


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