Comparing This and That. Chapter Two.

Some of you dear readers have brought to my attention the fact that I haven’t mentioned our friend, neighbour and accomplice, Soraya Campos since I resumed this Blog. She added a comment a couple of weeks ago, begging Sheen to come back to Zaragoza, and it turns out that her prayers may be answered soon, but more of that later…


To give you an approximate idea of what Soraya is like, I thought I’d do another “Comparing This and That” post, and the two people I’ll be comparing  Soraya to are the Brazilian model Adriana Lima and the French singer Alizée. (The main reason for these choices was just an excuse to post pictures of these young ladies, obviously.)


Adriana Lima is famous for being a Victoria’s Secret model, and although she has modelled in just about every article of clothing imaginable, her standard attire in the public psyche is the swimsuit. Alizée Jacotey has a penchant for dresses which are just a teeny weeny bit too short, a feature which she enhances by bending over at the drop of a hat. Just as Adriana’s swimsuits tend to be red, Alizée’s dresses are often blue.


Soraya, on the other hand, is often to be found wearing a black tee shirt and jeans. The tee shirt often refers to some heavy metal band from the 80´s, with garish depictions of skulls, lightning bolts, axes, blood and flames. When the weather is not exactly tee shirt weather, Soraya likes to wear a thick lumberjack-type shirt underneath, or some foul chunky-knit sweater she has picked up from a dumpster. She occasionally wears shorts – I have seen her in bright yellow, pink and white – but she reserves these for formal occasions.


So, as you can see, there are serious differences in the garment area. I can imagine Adriana and Alizée wearing each other’s clothes, and I could just about see Soraya in either, but not there’s no way Alizée would wear any of Soraya’s stuff unless it was soaked in Dettol for a month.


Although Alizée is a professional singer, I don’t think she has much of a voice. (OK, detestez-moi, but there it is. Maybe it’s because she bends over too much.) Adriana Lima has a very ordinary speaking voice, too. (Her other assets speak louder than words.) However, Soraya has a really characterful voice and I wonder how much is due to the operation her mother performed on her as a child, after the TV remote control got stuck in her throat and her mother was forced to make an incision there and then, using a knife and fork.


Now. Imagine you were stranded on a desert island with one of these women. Which would you choose? And when I say “stranded on a desert island”, I could mean “locked in a space capsule going to Pluto” or “stuck at the bottom of a mine shaft” – any situation where there’s nobody else around for a very long time. Well, you know what, I think I’d choose Soraya.


Adriana looks great posing in red swimsuits (or black negligees), but it could get tedious, for her and for me, and we wouldn’t want that. And Alizée is adorable to watch as she sings and dances, but her repertoire only goes so far, however often she bends over. Soraya, on the other hand, is always unpredictable. Often annoying, but also entertaining and occasionally brilliant.


To make sure, though, I’d like to spend 24 hours on a desert island with Adriana Lima and a well-stocked Victoria’s Secret collection, and then another 24 hours in a mine shaft with Alizée and a variety of short blue dresses and with just enough room for her to bend over. I feel that then I would be in a better position to judge.


As Sylvester Stallone once remarked, beauty is in the eye of the tiger. Far be it from me to hint that Soraya is any less pulchritudinous than Adriana or Alizée, so I refuse even to pose that particular question. 


So there you have it. I have overlooked obvious similarities (they all speak French, for instance) and obvious differences (their shoe sizes, for instance) and yet, even so, I think I have conclusively proved, once and for all, without a shadow of a doubt and to all intents and purposes to the best of my knowledge so help me God, that Soraya Campos, Adriana Lima and Alizée Jacotey are at once both the same and different, both at the same time and vice versa, conversely, concavely and convexly, in this world and the next.


Witness my hand as I swear and sign that all the above is mostly true and that I shall willingly give up my life denying the opposite.


Thank you for your time.


Heen ♥

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