¿Qué hacemos con Soraya?

Welcome back. I hope you have been reading Heen’s account of our trip to Mars. Personally, I would have written it differently, but I was so exhausted when we got back that I allowed Heen to do it. Everything he says is true, by the way. All that stuff about Kevin Costner, the crap food, the storm and Ankipanki’s space ship. The only thing I would beg to differ about is Brazilian music: Heen seems to think all Brazilian music is called “samba”, like those people who use the word “carioca” to refer to all Brazilians. I share his admiration of Zeca Baleiro, but it would be unfair, to say the least, to call him a “sambista”. If you don’t know his work, think of a male Marisa Monte and you might get the idea.


Now then. My friend Soraya’s name has appeared several times on this blog and she feels that she’s not getting a very good press. (By the way, she was gutted when our spaceship landed on top of her cat Ronaldo, who was also gutted, but more literally.) So Soraya thinks she should be given a sort of “right of reply”, to balance out anything negative we say about her. She has a Facebook page but, believe me, you don’t want to see it, and it’s not just because she’s posted a picture of me throwing up in the changing rooms at El Corte Inglés. She reckons we should allow her to have a separate page on our blog, where she can do her own thing. Heen automatically refused and I said I’d think about it.


The thing is, her level of written English is barely Intermediate, and she wants me to re-write everything. OK, you might say, this would give me the opportunity to vet it, lest she should say anything denigrating (and she does tend to denigrate) but it would hardly be representative of The Voice of Soraya were I to do so, plus I would have to retranslate back into Spanish to find out what she really meant and then put it into English – a tragic waste of time for a girl like me who has heaps more important stuff to be on with.


So, and I’m putting out feelers here, I would really like to know if there’s a social demand for such an initiative. The obvious way would be for you, our loyal fan base, to send comments to us, but I know that Heen would delete them before they reached me, so I’ve decided that the most accurate method to judge if Soraya warrants her own page on our blog is by counting the number of times the word “spinach” appears EITHER on the front page OR in the LETTERS TO THE EDITOR of ANY Scandinavian or Balkan  newspaper in the next 12 days. If there are at least 500 references, Soraya gets her page. If not, well, I’m sorry, Soraya, but that’s the way it goes.


The judges’ decision will be final and no correspondence shall be entered into… unless Soraya and I work on Heen’s reticence, and that might not prove to be unfeasible, actually, because I know he has a soft spot for her even though he’s always putting her down.


The future is out of my hands.

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by zaragozatwins on September 6, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Erm… I see Soraya has attempted to send a comment to this post, but she’s managed to send it to the wrong place. You can read it (if you really feel the need) in the comments after The Somontano Monkey Speaks #4. Bless her. Heen


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