Your Fishodiac!


(see    to find out what sign you are!)


First of all, we apologize hugely for not updating this section before now. The stars have been crazy lately, what with the discovery of that new constellation in Beta-Ganymede and all those supernovas darting around. And then we had the implosion of Venus in June, which the press overlooked, completely whacking the orbits of just about anything whizzing around there in outer space. Fortunately, the damages inflicted on the Zaragoza Twins astrological satellite “Brenda” have been mostly cosmetic, and the data we have been receiving makes just about as much sense as it ever did, hee hee.


So let’s see what the stars are saying for you guys.


As the sun edges round John Dory, with Turbot rising, I think Red Mullets can look forward to some moments of reckless panic, probably related to sporting events and food shopping. Doesn’t look good for those of you planning to take part in the Beijing Olympics, I’m afraid. Turbots and Flounders will almost certainly have unexpected bowel movements but this shouldn’t necessarily be seen as a negative development, should it. A great time for Minnows is just around the corner, aesthetically and dare I say, metaphysically. Yes, I dare. Bittersweet days ahead for Sticklebacks, and we’re not talking Chinese takeaways, folks! Too many cooks rush in where angels make hay while the sun in time saves nine birds in the bush, as my grandmother used to say. Our database reveals that most of our readers are Carps, and we’re delighted to tell you that it’s gonna be real peachy for all of you, with massive lottery wins, job promotions and a more satisfactory love life at least up until the first week in August, let’s say until Tuesday August 5, around 9 A.M. Tragic news for Pilchards: Brenda reports that all Pilchards are either extinct or on the verge thereof. Tough luck, guys, I hope you get over it. Not too sure about John Dory, either, but here at Zaragoza Twins we’ve got our fingers crossed, never saying die. Life’s like that. So’s death.


We would like to remind our star-gazing readership that July 30 is the Radial Graphic Parallax Eclipse, a fairly unique occasion for all of you in the Southern hemisphere to witness this bizarre phenomenon, when all the planets in the sky align to draw the face of a famous cartoon character. This year’s event is sponsored by The Walt Disney Company, so I guess we can look forward to a gigantic Mickey Mouse silhouette spread across the firmament, starting at about 22:00 GMT. Exciting stuff, eh?


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