While I Was Otherwise Engaged

Sheen says:


Heen and I have been in the wars. I mean we haven’t been talking to each other for some time now. I know he meant well by posting my translation of Basam Seng; personally, I have always felt proud of that poem, but it’s something I never wanted to share with anyone. He thinks I should show off my intellectual side more often, and not “celebrate my frivolity”, a phrase which he must have read somewhere recently and keeps using as a dagger.


So what does a girl do when her brother stabs her with a dagger? She unearths sordid secrets, compiles dossiers of compromising data and threatens to mire his pristine reputation. Yes, you could call it blackmail, you could call it vengeance, you could say it’s childish and catty, you could even accuse me of being a spiteful, loathsome bitch, and you’d be halfway towards the truth. Heen has a big, big black secret which I will never reveal, but just to know that I am privy to this grotesque stain on his character gives me a hideous power over him, one which we both know he is afraid of.


So I’m not going to talk about Heen’s shameful secret. I am in no position to judge him, as my own sins are far greater and more numerous than his, and he has always been understanding and forgiving, way beyond his fraternal obligations.


People who know us sometimes remark that we get on really well. We bail each other out when nobody else would. We are both violent and passionate, and look down on mediocrity. (Yes, OK, I mean other people’s mediocrity.) Our tastes rarely coincide, but I respect nobody’s opinions as much as Heen’s, and even when I profess my tastes that clash with his, he is never insulting or disparaging. (“Disparaging” is a word I use here for the first time in my life; I hope it’s the right choice – sometimes recently I have doubts about using English words that I have only seen a few times.)


But, inevitably, we fight. And we use all the weapons we have at our disposal. I couldn’t respect Heen if he didn’t fight with all his ferocity. I almost admire his vicious cruelty, his callous rage. I feel compelled to match him in barbaric fury and ruthless brutality; he doesn’t deserve less.


Nobody wins when we fight. That’s the condition, that’s the only rule. Maybe one of us loses, maybe we both lose, but nobody wins. Our relationship has no room for superiority or victimisation, nobody crows or vaunts their triumph.


Heen’s dark side will not see the light as long as I live. Enough he has to suffer with his Somontano Monkey torments, as well as the burden that I am to him.


And I have finish here, because Soraya and I are going out to molest a few tourists.


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Naoko on July 23, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Konnichiwa Sheen!

    your blog very nice! you want be japanese schoolgirl? that’s good! you want inflict unbearable pain at Heen? I yield advice for you, you watch japanese film “Audition” learn many approaches of physical torment mutilation’s suffer. Strong Sheen, ganbatte!!!!


  2. Posted by zaragozatwins on July 23, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    Hi Naoko. Arigato for your advice. As it happens, I have seen the film you mention, “Audition”, (Takashi Miike, 1999.) Psychopathic sadism is not my cup of tea, although I loved the outfit worn by Asami when she was torturing Aoyama. By the way, I am in love with Tetsu Sawaki, who plays Aoyama’s son in this movie. If you can get me his email address, I will promise to use needles on Heen in the same way as Asami does on Aoyama. Sheen


  3. Posted by Naoko on July 24, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Again HI, Sheen!!
    Yes, needles good at Heen, causing vile anguish! Sorry I ignorant Sawaki Tetsu email address. You come to Japan in accompaniment we search him. Also sensei teache you hideous agony’s punishmmnt for hurt the Heen evil brother! Ja mata ne, Sheen cute sister!


  4. Posted by zaragozatwins on July 24, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Sheen says: Naoko, I think you’ve been watching too many movies. Thanks for your offer but I think I’ll pass. PS – my evil brother says he’d like to see a photo of you.


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