The Nehemist



Heen says:


I was sent a link the other day by somebody calling himself Walter Sheehan who claims to live in Kerry, Ireland. (You’re right, I shouldn’t doubt Walter’s name or origin, but what he linked me onto has made me question just about everything…)


It was a link to a local newspaper, the Kerryman, which ran a story about the visions that a young boy has been having recently, in which he mentions the Somontano Monkey. The link was only up for a couple of days and now I keep getting a “page not found” message. Try it, you never know:  The Kerryman newspaper has obviously decided that the news is too hot to handle. And you thought this only happened in places like China and Saudi Arabia! Ha!


It turns out that eight-year-old Diarmuid O’Brien has been having what his mother calls “daytime nightmares”. He speaks in a strange language that nobody understands, with brief interjections in English. Diarmuid thinks that the chunks in English might be translated summaries of what is said in the other language. Unfortunately, Diarmuid has never had time to record on tape what he is saying when this voice “comes upon him”, but he and his family have managed to scribble down some of what he says, as he goes into a kind of trance and takes on a deep booming voice. His thirteen-year-old sister, Niamh, has collated some of these writings.


It would seem that a shady figure called “The Nehemist” takes over the boy and uses his vocal chords to transmit a message that, at best, can only be described as “worrying”. The Nehemist’s comments are frightening and bewildering, calling for “bloodbaths”, “massacre” and “holocaust”. His reference to the Somontano Monkey comes in an excerpt where he says something along the lines of, “crush the Somontano Monkey, ape of perjury, vileness incarnate who ought never to have got down from the baobab tree… stinking abomination, your skin will turn to ash with the blast of my fury” 


Diarmuid’s mother’s first reaction was to whisk the boy off to the parish priest, Father Michael Connor, with a view to exorcising her son. Father Connor examined the boy carefully, prescribed some homeopathic pills, and sent him home, saying that the boy had probably been watching too much TV and spending too much time on the Play Station.


But The Nehemist flared up again. The O’Brien family are at their wits’ end and young Diarmuid has started failing all his school subjects. Once a promising attacking inside left on the local soccer team, he has recently insisted he play in goal, where he is absolutely hopeless and his team has lost six matches in a row. Dennis Shaw, his soccer coach, has said he will have to “reconsider” Diarmuid’s place in the team.


The article in The Kerryman also quotes a neighbour (who prefers to remain anonymous) as saying, “Young Diarmuid is obviously going through a hard time. I’m sorry for his family, but if this carries on, we’ll have to think about emigrating to New Zealand”.


Now. Those of us who have followed the Somontano Monkey are not wholly ignorant of The Nehemist. His name has cropped up in the words of the Monkey, and several researchers have tried to identify this creature, his origins and goals.


There used to be a tribe called the Nehem in what is now Eritrea. As a reaction to the early Christian sects of Egypt and Ethiopia, it would seem that an animistic group of this name launched a religious alternative, whose philosophy can basically be reduced to, “If it’s alive, it’s an enemy”. The Nehem were expelled from the Horn of Africa around the year 200 AD, when they reappeared in the Levant. Coincidentally (or not), there is an Aramaic verb “nehim” which means “to deny”. I would not rule out the possibility that the language used by the Nehemist through young Diarmuid is Aramaic, which was, as you know, the language used by Jesus Christ on earth. This language is practically dead nowadays, but can still be heard in rural Syria and Lebanon.


The next time in history that the Nehem reappear is in the middle ages, this time in Eastern Europe. A wandering tribe, thought to be originally from Turkey or Greece, caused mayhem as they destroyed churches and monasteries, attacked priests and monks, and disappeared without trace the following day. Sometimes they vanished for years, set fire to a cathedral in what is now Russia, vanished again, stabbed a few nuns in Austria, vanished again, blew up a church in Hungary, vanished again… They were called the Nehemists, and claimed to be the same people expelled from Eritrea many years before.


Very few bona fide references of the Nehemists remain. There is a parchment in the British Museum which is accredited to one Wolgzram Uht in which he claims to represent the “Nehemist Voice”, calling for “civilisation to surrender and die”. Other documents refer to the havoc caused by Nehemist raids on Christian communities throughout Europe. A private collector in Brussels owns what he believes to be the first written mention of the Somontano Monkey, in what sounds like an ultimatum from the Nehemists: “Perish! Thou shalt taste the bile of our ire! Somontano Monkey, thou are an abomination and a false prophet!”


There are obvious parallels between the words spoken through young Diarmuid in Kerry and the mysterious parchment from the middle ages. Even more intriguing is a fragment of the utterances of the Somontano Monkey (from Chapter 449) where He refers to “… the emerald denial, which has landed on the island…” It doesn’t take a great deal of imagination to work out that “emerald” refers to Ireland, and “denial” is the English translation of the Aramaic “nehim”. Does this mean that the Monkey knows that the Nehemist is alive in Ireland? We are right to suppose so.


Conclusions: The Nehemist is the Antimonkey. Just as the Somontano Monkey preaches (mostly) love, tolerance and bliss, so the Nehemist preaches hate, destruction and suffering.


These are difficult times. Young Diarmuid and his family are but the first modern victims of the Nehemist’s bloodthirsty campaign of annihilation. Fortunately, the Somontano Monkey is awake, ready and willing to guide us in our quest for knowledge, to defeat the Nehemist and his followers, which are few and far between for the moment but we should always be on our guard. Listen to the voice of the Monkey! Fear not the threats of the Nehemist!








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