What To Drink While Watching “Pride and Prejudice”

 

 

Sheen says:

 

The obvious way to start this commentary would be something like this:

 

Pride and Prejudice is one of my favourite books since I read it as a teenager. I am a big Jane Austen fan and I have seen all the different film and TV versions of her books, but this one is the best.

 

But no. Of course I’d heard of Pride and Prejudice but I supposed it was long and boring and sugary, so I never bothered reading it. Jane Austen is way too popular for me to read, me being the sort of elitist snob who just reads introspective Vietnamese poetry and Swedish fanzines. For a laugh, I decided to watch this film, which was the 2005 production starring that Keira Knightley who everybody says is pretty but I don’t think she’s up to much. (Heen says she’s gorgeous, but then he also fancies Christina Ricci, which just about says it all).

 

I knew it was going to be hard work watching this film, so I settled down with a bottle of  Johnny Walker Red Label and a few cans of Tuborg. To keep myself interested, I watched the film carefully and as soon as any food or drink appeared on the screen, I knocked back a glass of whisky or half a can of beer. It didn’t matter whether the characters were drinking alcohol or not; I joined in anyway. There’s one scene where they drink wine – I celebrated by having an extra large shot of Johnny.

 

Lizzie doesn’t like this guy Darcy at first, but then she does. Darcy doesn’t like Lizzie at first, but then he does. I didn’t like Lizzie or Darcy at first, and then I got completely drunk so I can’t remember if I liked them or not at the end.

 

There was some complicated subplot of a vicar or somebody who married Lizzie’s friend after she (Lizzie) turned him down, and I think Lizzie’s sister married somebody who had something to do with Darcy, no, hang on, I think two of her sisters got married, but anyway, she’s got loads of sisters and a mum who is a pain in the neck, and her father looks like he’s never had a bath or a shave and he’s far too old to be her dad. Donald Sutherland is the father, I’ve just remembered, and Sutherland’s in Scotland, isn’t it, so I celebrated the fact by finishing the Scotch.

 

I liked the English countryside, but all those stately homes and castles and stuff looked the same and I couldn’t work out whose house they were supposed to be in.

 

I’m wondering about watching “Sense and Sensibility” and I’m thinking vodka…

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