Heen and Expo Zaragoza

Heen says:


Sheen seems to be hogging this blog of late, so I’m going to take advantage of her indisposition and share a few of my thoughts with you, oh cherished reader. I hope you liked my poem inspired by the photo I took of some weird rocks recently. If you can identify the rocks in question (see Kiss of Stone pic) you could win a dirty weekend on board the Russian nuclear submarine of your choice with Vladimir Yukhtoshevenko and his stunning collection of trained squirrels.


Some of you may have heard of Expo Zaragoza 2008. Many of you won’t have. As it happens, this is an Expo which is happening here in Zaragoza next month. It’s a theme-based Expo and because Zaragoza is on a river, the theme is WATER. Now that wasn’t hard to come up with it, was it. I mean, if the theme were Manichaeism or Chocotherapy, you’d have to give them some credit, but no, they’ve opted for the easy way out. So we’re going to get panegyrics about moisture. Ah well. It could be worse.


It turns out that about 500,000 countries of the world are going to have pavilions and stands, each one boasting about how their state is protecting the environment and its hydro-resources. No doubt some of them will offer tasty water-based snacks and cunning devices you are supposed to fit onto your showerhead in order to save the planet; others will prove that their lakes and waterfalls are stuffed full with the healthiest minerals on the planet, and still others will feature pseudo-ethnic folk groups cavorting and wailing about Aqua deities. (Personally, I would have thought this Expo was a great opportunity for a Miss Wet Tee Shirt contest, but I see no sign of it in the programme.)


Naturally, here at ZaragozaTwins, we thought we should be represented in some way at this magnificent celebration of our river and all who sail on it. Tragically, however, it is not to be. Just to APPLY for a pavilion or stand at the Expo costs a cool €500, and then you’ve got to be formally approved by a triad of Nazi witchmaster-generals who reserve the right to ceremonially sacrifice your firstborn child whether you’re accepted or not, and demand a 50% cut of any profits you thought you might make, as well as vetoing anything they find denigrating, offensive, provoking, interesting, amusing or boring.


We’ve done our sums here at ZaragozaTwins and, sad to say, it ain’t gonna happen. The microcredit we could just about wangle from our savings bank might just about cover our initial expenses, but there’s no way we could afford the institutional bribery fees unless we carried out a few “secuestro-express” operations and we’ve tried this, believe me, and it doesn’t work… (OK, maybe we kidnapped the wrong person, but how were we to know that Vanessa Sánchez Martín’s parents were so stingy?) By the way, let me take this opportunity to apologize to Vanessa for locking her up in the cellar for so long; don’t take it so hard, Vanessa, you really didn’t miss much while you were chained and fed on bread and water – I mean, we helped you to get rid of those extra kilos and hey, what did the Berlin wall ever mean to you?


Anyway, the upshot is that ZaragozaTwins are planning to hold an alternative Expo. This will be an exhortation of the values we feel are missing at the “official” Expo. And to diametrically challenge their oh-too-obvious water theme, we’ve decided that the theme of our fringe expo should be FIRE.     


Our programme of events has yet to be finalised, but you can rest assured that Heen and Sheen will leave no stone unturned if there’s anything inflammable underneath. Join us, oh reader, in our quest to Bring Back The Flame.


Am I hot or what?

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